Things Can't Only Get Better

I 'ate that Brian Cox.

Not only is he smarter and better-looking than I am and have my dream job; not only does he host TV programmes about science that I would really like to watch except his annoying voice annoys me to the point I have to go punch bricks instead (in all fairness, my own voice makes me feel the same way); not only is he married to some woman off t' telly, but he was a pop music star too, being the keyboardist for D:Ream, which most aggravatingly issued forth the pop abomination "Things Can Only Get Better", which to give you some idea of how evil this song is, was used by New Labour during their drive to get Tony Blair elected. This means that everything from having to see Tony Blair's smug grin everyday, the betrayal of the traditional Labour electorate by New Labour, the growth of PFI, Reality Television, the global credit crunch and the Iraq War is all Brian Cox's fault. All of it.

The notion that things can only get better is such a lie. Things can always get worse, always.

You want proof? Look at the forthcoming election; what an absolute shower of morons, monsters and mickey-mousers and that's only counting the main parties, let alone the freaks and weirdos in things like UKIP; I wouldn't trust any of them to organise a binge-drinking session in a brewery, let along vote for any of them. If it is true that in a democracy, we get the leaders we deserve, then frankly I don't know what it is you lot did, but you all belong in prison.

I know what it is I did, of course, and I shall be appealing to the ECHR over the unfairness of the sentence.

My grandmother is ill. It's not the sort of ill you get better from.